6 Weeks

Whew. The past 6 weeks have gone by in a blur. Literally a few days prior to having Sara, I read an article a woman wrote about women who get upset that moms get maternity leave. She proceeds to tell the "reality" of maternity leave. The recovery. So true. The lack of sleep, yes. But then she said something that made me laugh. She said you deal with this tiny screaming infant that is constantly hungry and every time you attempt to take even a quick shower, they start screaming again and you  are left without a shower for yet another day. I laughed because I felt like she was exaggerating. Newborns are SO easy! They sleep all. day. long.

Then I had Sara. She screamed-all. day. long. She was a difficult baby needless to say. And we didn't know what to do with her. I did not get a shower or bath daily like I had imagined, because, unlike with Samantha, I couldn't prop up a bottle for her. Even though I was pumping, I definitely didn't have much extra milk and it might take me 3 days to make a bottle, so we saved every extra ounce we could, mostly for long car rides. She seemed to get hungry every time we got in the car, despite the fact that we just fed her. (We later found out that she has acid reflux, which all babies have to an extent-which is why they spit up. Hers was just slightly worse and my constant intake of spicy foods only made her heartburn worse. Although food has lost its taste and life has lost its meaning, I took spicy foods out of my diet and she is in much less pain.) Sara ate constantly, but she cries while she ate. I wondered why, but now we know my milk made her throat feel good because it is basic. At the same time it caused her the pain of swallowing. :( Poor girl. On bad nights-usually nights that she didn't sleep propped up, she would feed all night, trying to find comfort. And on top of that, the only way she would sleep is if I fed her. So feeding was basically non stop. We got her to the doctor for her 6 week the other day and she has only gained 7 oz since she regained her birth weight. Fortunately, I'm producing enough milk-Dr. weighed her after a feeding. She also does not have an allergy to anything I eat-but her reflux is stopping her from gaining much. She should be over 10 pounds at this point to even be considered average. This is a huge change considering Sam stayed in the 100 percentile.

Sam went through a stage of jealous, lots of crying, daily talks where I reassured her I loved her and the crying would stop soon. I was always trying to find time for us and as soon as I'd sit down with her, Sara would start screaming. (I mean, I had to cook dinner with her in my wrap while she nursed. I could not make anything more difficult than tacos without feeling like I was all over the place and I'd never finish. Some nights we didnt didn't eat until 8 PM. So I turned to a lot of crockpot meals and things like spaghetti.) We stopped doing school, despite the fact that I thought it would help to keep Sam on schedule. I just couldn't do it yet. In the long run, I think it helped them connect. I was able to focus on just caring for Sara and Sam enjoyed endless hours of playtime.

Hubby was getting a bit frustrated with her. He said he was surprised by how he already loved her as much as Sam, just like everyone said he would....But he didn't want to hold her because he couldn't ever calm her since she always wanted to nurse.

Then Sara turned 6-1/2 weeks. So much changed. She started crying less. She started having a more regular "bathroom schedule." I guess her digestive system developed. We have some tablets to help when her reflux started acting up. We rejected the prescription and I'm glad we did. We have found other ways to help like sitting her up after eating and holding her in the "gassy baby hold." We are learning her. We have a pretty consistent schedule now and I feel like we aren't as busy. Could be because we aren't doing swim or anything during the holidays. Could also be because I have lowered my standards, just a little. I mean, the house is clean, laundry is on schedule, and checkbook is up to date. But I may our may not sweep daily anymore, and I'm surprisingly okay with that. There have been a few "weekly scrub downs" I have missed since she was born, and oddly enough, I was okay with that too. I just enjoy playing with Sara and watching her and Sam play. I can't take my eyes off them. This is something I have wanted for so long. Now that it is here, I want to bask in it.

I seem to have my crap together a little more. We are on time to everything now. Dressed decent and hair done! I always have the diaper bag filled. Nothing forgotten like when Sam was little and I'd forget the bottles or formula...can't forget my boobs, but I can forget a tank top under my clothes so I can nurse. ;) We are hardly in a hurry. Can't run around like a crazy person with a newborn in your arms....And in general, I'm just...calmer. I don't know what it is, but I like it. The new family dynamic is better.

My Husband days he can see my being less anxious. Sam is calming down, understanding why Sara cries, trying to take care of her, and even changing poop diapers like she swore she would never do! Plus, we are starting to find time together. The Narnia series is getting good! Hubby is learning ways to calm her and really enjoyed her cuddles. (He is sleeping with her now.) And we are learning to all work together.

I've gotten a bath twice this week. I have been able to cook and clean up dinner all week while she is either in a seat (She doesn't like the movement, but she liked that it sits up almost completely vertical.) or while Sissy plays with her.

The past 6 weeks has been about healing and learning how to be a family again. It's been hard, but it could have been worse. And it is only up hill from here....hopefully. :)