Scared

I still can't believe I'm pregnant. It doesn't seem real. It seems like I cant believe it just yet. I'm scared to believe it. What is the craziest to me is that I have not had an issues yet. No scares. Everything is by the book. I never experienced weird symptoms like cramping or spotting that made me thing I was going to lose him. My ultrasounds look great. My hormone levels are spot on. Everything is perfect. And yet, I'm scared. I know so much more than I did when I was pregnant with Sam. And I know all these possibilities are so slim. But in my like of "work" I have surrounded myself with people who have had these horrible things happen to them, which makes it even more real. Not only am I scared to have him. I'm scared for him to be a newborn and sleep. I'm afraid to lose him after carrying him (or her) for so long. We are already so attached to him and we haven't even felt him kick. It will just hurt worse once we experience all those things. 14 weeks. 14 perfect weeks. A third of the way there. In just a few short weeks we will know what he is. We will start feeling him kick. And we will see his sweet face on the screen in 3D! Sam is growing closer to him as she sees my belly grow. Jessie too. He says he can't believe how big I am for 3-1/2 months. We started taking belly pics. First one yesterday. And Sam has started reading to him. Showing off her big sister skills. I know I'm scared, but I've forced myself to start preparing. So I've started researching natural pregnancy, bought a birthing hypnosis CD and made a list of things I need for birth, like a birthing ball and tennis balls. Made my hospital list too. I didn't use anything I brought with Sam, so this time I'm only packing phone, camera, silver, essential oils, diffuser, etc. Labor needs. I've made a baby shower list. Short and sweet. Only my closest family and friends. We will register soon. And also made a list of yes and no's for the hospital. No antibiotic in the eye. No shots. No pacis. Etc. So I'm getting there. I don't want to waste away what very possibly could be my last pregnancy. I want to cherish it....now that I feel better anyway. It won't let me add pics from my phone anymore. I'll do a pic post after our next ultrasound. Side Note: I'm starting to get a belly and we plan to be at the pool a LOT this Summer. And of course on the boat too. So Hubby took me shopping at Motherhood Maternity! I have always wanted to shop there. But when I was pregnant with S, we didn't even have the money to consider looking at their clearance rack. I buy a lot of their clothes from yard sales. And I am totally okay with that. They are nice and I don't have to pay $20-$50 a shirt. But there was something cool about going in and buying brand new exactly what I wanted for a bathing suit. I liked it. :) I felt special. And I know I will wear it enough to make it worth the money. I also sogned up for my first baby thing. $2.99 for tons of issues of Parent magazine and free coupons/gift cards. It was so fun. The day we get my gender scan we plan to find out what he/she is first thing in the morning and then go to lunch, vision doctor, and register for the baby shower. I can't wait.