♡ Date Night ♡

A friend asked me last minute if S wanted to spend the night last night last night. Was that even a question? Jessie and I took our shot at a date and ran. We had quite a few things to talk about.

Prior to our date,  he called and said to me, "I want you to have my baby." Sounds petty legit, right? Except I CAN'T! And we've TRIED!! For THREE YEARS!

So we spent most of last night talking about what our future family (we hope) will look like.  He explained to me that he wants to go back through the stage of me being pregnant and reading books to my belly and seeing ultrasounds. (You know it has been too long between kids when your Husband's biological clock is ticking! Right before he called, he was hooking up cable at a pregnant woman's house and that is what brought it up.) Anyway, I told him at this rate I was super excited about adoption and had given up on conceiving, but we could try both and see which one happens first. Obviously, the first that happens out of the two is what God has planned for us. "Or both." That was his response. "I just know I want more. I don't care how we get them." (That was a first! All this time. Trying to have a baby and adoption, it's been for me. So to hear him say that shocked me to say the least.) We talked and whatnot and decided that, yea, three kids is totally manageable.
THEN, my brain began to imagine life with THREE kids. Not that it would be TOO hectic.  We already decided that we would stick to AHG and Trail Life only as far as activities go. And we homeschool.  So same groups. Same friends for the most part-well, same families. But just the thought of not only going back to a younger age and/or adoption of an older child, as well as raising three kids....life will be...different.  And it is hard for me to describe the feeling I had when I thought...."All this time. Seven years. This is what our family has been." I've accepted it. And in the next few years,  that might all change. Sam will be older. The structure of our day will change. We will be tag teaming kids and juggling a lot more. (I'm not doing everything for three kids by myself. And my lovely DH has said he won't put that on me even though I do stay home. And I doubt he will-except maybe the diapers!) It gave me a mixture of fear, anticipation, butterflies, happiness-a full feeling. I just want to know what's in store.  As I think about the future, I realize I won't always be the youngest Mom is CHEA who joined at the ripe old age of 19 with her only child. The one who is always on the go go go-volunteering for everything-while other people are wrangling their toddlers and telling their 6 year old it is time to go because the 2 year old is about to have a meltdown.  One of these days.  Whether through adoption or conception. Or both! I'll have my hands full. The thought is so nice. I've had a blissful 7 years as a first time parent, but I'm not done yet. Things will change. It won't always be one on one while I teach S how to add change as the dogs snooze on the couch and the house is otherwise silent. And afterwards I stroll off to fold laundry. Because-you know-we already competed a full hour of "school." What more do you need when you have only one chld? One day I'll probably have a preteen hanging over my shoulder, asking me for help on her math while I'm explaining multiplication to the 9 year old and trying to get a snack for the preschooler. Bliss. Fulfillment. Rough days? Sure. Need breaks? Oh yea. But Blessings none the less.

DH wants me to go to the fertility doctor. I told him I may for him, but I don't feel like that is the road we are supposed to take. I just don't support Western medicine. So we are going to look up pricing and risks, etc. And I'll start my supplements back in the meantime. (Which totally work. I just don't know if they work well enough to fix whatever is messed up.)

Anywho, this whole "up in the air" thing is killing me.  I'm trying to just stay along for the ride. But sometimes I want to jump out of the van while it is moving.  I'm a Type A. A planner. And this stuff. Just can't be planned. At least not to the extent I would like. *Sigh* I must have prayed for Patience.