I. Hate. Mother's Day.

I detest Mother's Day.  I really do.  I refuse to celebrate it myself.  I do it for my Mom and Mother In Law so they don't feel hurt,  but honestly I think it is quite silly to have a holiday that is so overly commercialized that Mom's actually feel like they aren't loved if their children don't get them something special or spend that day with them.  Kind of absurd to me.

So every year I tell my Husband not to get me anything.  And my daughter not to make a card out of obligation.  She makes me enough throughout the year from her heart.  Not a card with handprints and a poem just because she felt like she had to.

It started out as me just not wanting to celebrate and over the years it has evolved into hatred. I. Hate. Mother's. Day. All that day is a reminder of what I did to my second child.  It is a reminder of who is missing from our lives.  And also a reminder that I may never be a Mom "again."

I had accidentally planned a camping trip for Mother's Day and when I realized it, I thought, "Perfect!  I can get away from all this cheesy Mother's Day crap and all the reminders."

It was a great start. I woke up at 6:30 this morning, cooked dinner for the fire, packed the car. I was rarin to go.   Although we got to the Blue Hole a little late in the afternoon,  the water was freezing cold,  so we didn't need a much time as we thought. Which was cool.  S played.  We watched.  Set the hammocks up. I laid with Hubby. He slept. S slept.  So we got up and talked awhile. It was nice. Like a miniature date.  But then we realized we had a flat.  Total flat. The tire won't hold air one bit. And there are no holes or tears. Needless to say, we couldn't even drive the car to set up camp. We ended up getting towed off the mountain. So we could get the spare put on and we had to drive home like that. To on 3 hours. I was a little disappointed we didn't get to camp. But stuff happens. No reason to be a baby about it....

Then I got home. And I forgot whg
I wanted to go camping im thr first place. I was tired.  Silly me. I logged onto Facebook and the first thing on my feed was a pregnancy announcement. FML.

I'm banging my head against the wall right now.. ugh. I'm so over this now.  Mother's Day will never be a holiday I want to celebrate.  I honestly think this year has been the hardest of all. And I wonder if it will get easier from here or harder still.

Eh.