Why does it seem like everything is at a standstill right now? We have been at my grandparent's house for over a month now. We are just waiting and waiting and waiting on the house. And now I have to wait for the USDA to review ONE PAPER before we can sign! Really?! One paper! Just review it! What will it take, 5 minutes? They said, "They have to work it in their schedule." REALLY? Do they, really?
And as stupid as this sounds, I will explain it. It has been 2 cycles and I am still not pregnant! What the heck? With Sam, it took 3 months, but 2 cycles, if that makes any sense. And Jessie and I didn't even live together! So it was like a hit or miss kinda thing. With Lucy, ONE TIME. And now that we are trying and we actually live together, it's gonna take time?! It's frustrating for 2 reasons. 1. I don't want Sam to be much more than 4-1/2 years older because I would like them to be somewhat close in age so they will be decently close growing up. And 2. It worries me. I never went back to the clinic for a follow up because I couldn't stand to go back there. What if something is wrong? Yes, I know it has not been that long, but considering what happened, I am sure you guys can see why I am worried!
It's just frustrating. I feel like everything has just stopped and we are having to wait for thing to just fall into place. I don't like not having some sort of control over what is going on. I don't even know what is going on with that paper because I can't contact the USDA myself and the bank said they aren't supposed to bug them for updates. So I just gotta hope they get it done. I know we are lucky to even get the loan, especially for that house, because that is the one we wanted. And I know we are blessed to even have Samantha, seeming how we weren't planning on having more anyway. And I know things happen for a reason...So maybe I shouldn't even be upset or worried, and I should just let things happen as they will since I can't do anything about it...but I can't help it...
And another thing that is driving me crazy. (I enjoyed it at first, now I am about to freaking lose my mine.) I have no house to clean the way I want it! I can't choose what I want to make for dinner. I don't even get to make dinner! I barely have any room to play board games with Samantha. And her toys aren't our of storage, so we can't play with them. She has some kids meal toys my Nana got her at the thrift store, but I am talking about building with blocks, tanagrams, and her Dr. Jean CDs, the fun stuff.
It is basically like, instead of a normal day for us: waking up in our bed and eating breakfast together and talking about her dreams and how she slept, doing some cleaning together, playing something together, maybe tea party or doll house, watching a show together, maybe Curious Buddies, unless it is library day, then we get some new books and a short DVD for her to watch before lunch, eating lunch, doing something fun like listening to music and dancing together or a big, fun art project, and before we know it, we gotta start dinner for Daddy. We go over what we want to cook, and look at the recipe, make it together. Then Daddy is home and we eat dinner at the table. The rest of the night we chill together. Sam can do whatever she wants because we don't have to worry about bothering anybody. Here it what it is like now...let Sam sleep in so I can deal with the bank, feed her something real quick, sit down on the couch and play on the computer or plan her birthday or something while I switch back and forth between windows to see if I have a new email from the bank. I try to occupy myself so I don't worry about it by doing something with Sam, like color, but we are limited, so I usually end up back on the computer while I wait. And wait and wait...Sam just asks to watch TV or play her game on the computer, and I let her so she isn't running around their house, putting them on edges...Then after a lot of very long hours, Jessie is home. We eat dinner. And my grandparents go to bed at 8, so lights out and we lay down and watch TV until they go to bed because we are in a living room that is only big enough for a pull out bed, so Sam can not play because she can't get down and she might wake them up. I feel like all this stressing out is causing me to miss out on valuable time with Sam, but I can't focus when I do spend time with her...I really truly appreciate them letting us stay. I am not frustrated with them at all. It is just the way our schedule has changed. We are schedule people and it is like a disturbance in the force for us...Jessie said it well the other day...We are home sick.
It is so freaking hot outside, I can't take Sam out anywhere really, so that sucks. We have been trying to go to the beach, but every time we have gone the last week, it stormed as soon as we got there. *I realize this makes me sounds spoiled because I could be going hungry right now and have no place to stay. I am not saying I am in an awful situation, "poor me." I am just letting out my frustrations.*
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