One Step Closer

I hate the Internet. 

I really do.

From the very beginning, I have had to make it a point not to scroll...on Pinterest. Not to be active on Instagram. And definitely stay off of Facebook. 

But when I do....

I always feel about this big. 🤏

Why? 

Because I see all the Moms with so many kids. The videos where they have them walk in a line to show you that they have not 5, not 6, not 7,8, but 9 VERY well dressed kids in their beautiful house. 

Meanwhile, my heart refuses to be content with 2. 

Or the videos that show the crunchy Moms who spend their days on the farm and buy bonnets and pioneer dresses for their 4 sweet girls and little boy, showing clips of them dancing around the meadows and gathering flowers by the creek. 

Meanwhile, my heart refuses to be content with our 3/4 acres inside the city limits of our small town. 

Oh, and the videos of people teaching their children hand crafts Charlotte Mason style with a small beeswax candle burning in the background. 

Meanwhile, I couldn't do hand crafts to save my life. 

Or the videos of women who have a new born, sharing about their birth story, and how quiet and serene and lovely it was. 

Meanwhile, I screamed for the last 6 hours straight and then almost died with my last one. 

How about the husband who looks like he spends 80% of his time doting on his wife? 

Well....Come on. We know that's not true. 

Oh, those ungrateful dark areas of my heart that just refuse to be content with what I have. Lord, scrape my heart clean and start anew. 

Things don't have to look the way they look in videos. My heart, however, does have a longing for a simpler life. A life focused on what matters. And we got them one step closer. And if we got them just one step closer to breaking the generational cycle, I would say it's a win.