My Heart

My heart is never so full as it is when there is a car full of kids. 

When there are 5 of them surrounding the kitchen table. 

When there are 7 running and playing outside in our backyard. 

When we have 3 extras on the way to church or 2 extra just spending the night. 

My heart soars when we are asked to babysit over night or even just for the evening. 

For that little bit of time, my house is just a tad fuller than before, but my heart is bursting. 

My heart is never so full as it is when the warm weather comes and we venture to the creek down the road or Farmer's Lake. 

"LINE UP, DUCKLINGS!" is how the saying goes. I spend my morning making 5 lunches, packing 5 water bottles, and 5 towels. (These days, actually, they pack their own.) 

Outshine bars, hammocks, and kayaks are but a few things God has blessed us with to have for these kids. 

My heart is never so full until I have them all with me. Swapping kids back and forth. "Mom is coming to get this one, but Dad is dropping off his off, and then we are headed to pick up one of their friends after that."

God made me with these children in mind and he inclined my heart toward them. 

But all good and beautiful things must come to an end. My heart walks outside my body in the form of 2 sweet girls, and they are being taken far away again. Words can not express the depths of my sorrow to see them leave and the worry I am having to release. I'm trying to remain thankful for the 2 sweet girls that are mine by birth, but nothing will be the same again. 

If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would love them anyway. I have no regrets. Our time was well spent laughing, playing, making memories, and learning about God. 

I am quite thankful for the years I've had to love them. No matter how far they are, that will never stop. They have changed me in ways they will never know, immeasurable ways for the better. My heart was never as full as it was that cold February day when God brought them into our lives. 

Just days after I told my Husband I didn't know what we were thinking having a second child. Just months into my exhaustion-feeling like a new mom all over again. And just one short year after becoming a mom of 2, God gifted us with 3 and 4. I didn't know that's what they would be, but that is exactly what they have become. 

And just so we are clear-If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would love them anyway.